Saturday, February 13, 2010

Valentine's Day

two years ago on Valentine's Day, I passively attempted suicide. I drank a handle of rotgut vodka after not eating for five days, lay down on the couch where I was living and waited. I was either going to live through the night or die. I didn't care either way.

I was in a coma for 6 days, on life support. My parents were told to make funeral arrangements.

After 17 days in ICU, I was released to a rehab clinic in the swamps of Florida. I did my 30 days, and went home to NJ.

Two years later, I'm on full disability because of severe bipolar disease. I live off government checks and self-disgust.

No one will ever love someone as fucked up as I am. It's impossible.

I know this, and I wonder why I survived. Some days, like Valentine's Day, are worse than ever.

I'm alive, sober, and here. I'd just like to know why.

Fuck Valentine's Day.

Friday, February 12, 2010


is, use it early and often for SEKRIT STUFF

The Playwright

I have this thing for writers, I guess. Anyway, he has a girlfriend, and he likes having cyber with me. That's pretty much the gist of it. Until he got scared or guilty or whatever and dropped me like the bad habit I was. And it makes me feel like shit, man.

Why can't I just find someone, anyone out there who respects and actually LIKES ME who also has a dick and wants to have sex with me? IS THAT SO HARD?


Do you???? Because there are so many who deserve it. Let us first talk about The Writer, who I tweeted about the other day. He basically said that I am too crazy to even consider dating, and I must wonder aloud why I wasn't too crazy to fuck, which he has done in the past. He's a douche and I want to stab him.

But the pathetic thing, I mean, the really pathetic thing is that if he called me today and said he was wrong and that he wanted me? I'd be on the first train into NYC. I suck.