Valentine's Day

two years ago on Valentine's Day, I passively attempted suicide. I drank a handle of rotgut vodka after not eating for five days, lay down on the couch where I was living and waited. I was either going to live through the night or die. I didn't care either way.

I was in a coma for 6 days, on life support. My parents were told to make funeral arrangements.

After 17 days in ICU, I was released to a rehab clinic in the swamps of Florida. I did my 30 days, and went home to NJ.

Two years later, I'm on full disability because of severe bipolar disease. I live off government checks and self-disgust.

No one will ever love someone as fucked up as I am. It's impossible.

I know this, and I wonder why I survived. Some days, like Valentine's Day, are worse than ever.

I'm alive, sober, and here. I'd just like to know why.

Fuck Valentine's Day.

email

is honeysuckleknuckles@yahoo.com, use it early and often for SEKRIT STUFF

The Playwright

I have this thing for writers, I guess. Anyway, he has a girlfriend, and he likes having cyber with me. That's pretty much the gist of it. Until he got scared or guilty or whatever and dropped me like the bad habit I was. And it makes me feel like shit, man.

Why can't I just find someone, anyone out there who respects and actually LIKES ME who also has a dick and wants to have sex with me? IS THAT SO HARD?

WHO WANTS ME TO STAB A BITCH

Do you???? Because there are so many who deserve it. Let us first talk about The Writer, who I tweeted about the other day. He basically said that I am too crazy to even consider dating, and I must wonder aloud why I wasn't too crazy to fuck, which he has done in the past. He's a douche and I want to stab him.

But the pathetic thing, I mean, the really pathetic thing is that if he called me today and said he was wrong and that he wanted me? I'd be on the first train into NYC. I suck.